1 00:00:54,990 --> 00:00:59,070 All in favor of making the flounder the official town fish, say aye. 2 00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:00,610 Aye. Nay. 3 00:01:01,130 --> 00:01:04,590 I think the bullfrog should be the official town fish. 4 00:01:05,910 --> 00:01:11,110 George, bullfrogs are amphibians. Well, we can be flexible. We made the flying 5 00:01:11,110 --> 00:01:12,350 squirrel a town bird. 6 00:01:15,350 --> 00:01:17,490 We're going with the flounder. 7 00:01:18,510 --> 00:01:23,270 For the reason why we're here, to celebrate the 216th anniversary... 8 00:01:23,630 --> 00:01:30,070 For the rest of today's anniversary celebrations are as follows. 9 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:33,870 At three, we meet at the water fountain at Six Years Young today. 10 00:01:34,310 --> 00:01:39,070 At five, our Johnny Cake Community Theater will present Fiddler on the 11 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:44,290 Mr. Takodachi, would you like to come to the play? There's still a few hundred 12 00:01:44,290 --> 00:01:45,290 seats left. 13 00:01:45,490 --> 00:01:50,510 Yeah, you'll like Fiddler. Especially the song Too Rife, Too Rife, Rahayim. 14 00:01:54,920 --> 00:02:01,760 I was going to enter the video of the ugly American, but I would be 15 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:02,760 honored to attend. 16 00:02:03,820 --> 00:02:07,420 Well, that concludes the anniversary celebration. I'll see you at the 17 00:02:07,420 --> 00:02:09,900 at three. Before you go, I have a proposition. 18 00:02:11,140 --> 00:02:16,600 I have only been a visitor in your town for a week, but I have fallen in love 19 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:17,600 with its beauty. 20 00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:21,560 Now, my proposition is this. 21 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:24,920 I'd like to buy your town and turn it into a golf course. 22 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:32,400 Oh, we're sorry, but we love this little village of ours too much to sell. 23 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:37,200 No, Mr. Tagodachi, this is one town you cannot buy. 24 00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:43,240 I'll give you one million dollars for each home. Bring on the freaking 25 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,240 bulldozer. 26 00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:52,020 What happened to loving our little village? 27 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:55,680 I mean, we've only been here eight years on it, and I wouldn't think of leaving. 28 00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:57,380 Oh, come on, Dick. This place is a hellhole. 29 00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:02,260 We'll be by your homes later with the contracts out. 30 00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:05,900 Well, 31 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:11,500 you know, I guess for people who name the flying squirrel the town bird, this 32 00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:15,800 par for the course. But I know we're not selling our inn. 33 00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:17,920 Okay, we build around you. 34 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,040 You say hello and we say goodbye. 35 00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:32,700 We're out of this village of the darned. 36 00:03:34,780 --> 00:03:37,840 We sold WPIV to Mr. T and now we're rich, rich, rich. 37 00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:42,200 So I guess you won't be staying on as our maid. 38 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:46,340 Oh, right. Then I could have the best of both worlds. I could be a millionaire 39 00:03:46,340 --> 00:03:47,340 and clean toilets. 40 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:53,020 Well, I guess this is goodbye. 41 00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:55,940 No hug or anything? 42 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:59,840 Well, Joanna, it isn't proper for an employee to hug her employer. 43 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,660 We're more than just employee and employer. 44 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:04,640 We're friends. 45 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,400 We are? 46 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,900 Well, you should have said something sooner. 47 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,540 I wouldn't have bad -mouthed you so much behind your back. 48 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,279 Goodbye, Joanna. 49 00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:19,920 Goodbye, Stephanie. 50 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,180 Goodbye, Dick. 51 00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:29,770 Farewell. Dear Loudons, pray may I nuzzle your napes that I might remember 52 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:30,770 scent. 53 00:04:34,550 --> 00:04:36,270 Seems like a reasonable request. 54 00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:39,270 Adios, my Jojo. 55 00:04:40,390 --> 00:04:41,730 Goodbye, Michael. 56 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:45,950 Adios, my Dick Dick. 57 00:04:55,490 --> 00:04:58,890 Michael, stop crying or I'll cut your nuzzling time short. 58 00:05:00,790 --> 00:05:04,550 I've come to say goodbye now that I'm rich, rich, rich. 59 00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:08,010 Would you like to smell us before you go? 60 00:05:10,150 --> 00:05:11,150 Okay. 61 00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:23,950 George, I didn't know you had property to sell. 62 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:28,830 I bought a few acres years ago. I was going to build Utley Land, an amusement 63 00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:30,190 park for handymen. 64 00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:38,750 Then I sobered up and... I realized it was 65 00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:39,830 an idiotic idea. 66 00:05:41,190 --> 00:05:47,750 Look, I'm not, you know, very good at goodbyes, but I'm really 67 00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:51,870 going to miss you guys. You hear that, Steph? He's begging us for a group hug. 68 00:05:51,970 --> 00:05:52,709 He sure is. 69 00:05:52,710 --> 00:05:54,030 Oh, yeah. No, no, no. 70 00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:54,950 That 71 00:05:54,950 --> 00:06:01,610 was 72 00:06:01,610 --> 00:06:05,970 so good. 73 00:06:06,430 --> 00:06:08,650 Oh, come on. Let's do it again. 74 00:06:13,130 --> 00:06:14,130 Okay. 75 00:06:14,710 --> 00:06:16,390 Well, my comrades, I... 76 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,840 Guess it's time for us to leave our little village of Anatevka. 77 00:06:22,420 --> 00:06:29,340 Anatevka, Anatevka, underfed... What 78 00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:36,260 the hell is going on 79 00:06:36,260 --> 00:06:41,220 here? See, Dick, in Fiddler on the Roof, all the people who live in the little 80 00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:46,920 town... Ivana Tepka, are forced to leave because the evil czar is... Oh, heck, 81 00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:48,420 just enjoy the show. 82 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:54,620 Yeah, it's not often you get to see an all -millionaire production of us. 83 00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,800 I play Fyatka, the Russian goy who marries Kava. 84 00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:08,000 Hi, I'm Larry, this is my brother Daryl, and this is my other brother Daryl. We 85 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,520 are going to Chicago, America. 86 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:11,860 We have an uncle there. 87 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:17,740 Sometime maybe we'll meet on a happier occasion. 88 00:07:18,140 --> 00:07:19,580 Meanwhile, we suffer. 89 00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,480 Oy, how we suffer. 90 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:29,900 May God bless and keep the Tsar far away from us. 91 00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:34,480 I'll work hard, Papa. 92 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,040 Well, I guess we're the whole town now, Golda. 93 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,160 Oy vey, Tevye. 94 00:07:51,540 --> 00:07:52,960 Get out, Lenny. 95 00:08:06,980 --> 00:08:08,440 Ohayo, Tomodachi. 96 00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:09,820 Ohayo. 97 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,940 Joanna, I'm going to tell you something you may not be aware of. 98 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,660 You're not Japanese. 99 00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:24,740 Four! 100 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:33,860 I hate living on the 14th fairway. 101 00:08:34,419 --> 00:08:38,200 I think the sound of a golf ball against wood is almost soothing. 102 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,120 Lay off the sake, Joanna. 103 00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:43,880 Oh, thank you, Sadaka. 104 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:48,710 The smell of raw fish makes me drool. 105 00:08:48,970 --> 00:08:51,310 Ew, what a lovely image. 106 00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:55,510 This isn't breakfast. This is bait. 107 00:08:56,390 --> 00:08:58,030 Could you bring me some pancakes? 108 00:08:58,590 --> 00:08:59,590 No. 109 00:09:00,150 --> 00:09:01,930 Would you like to keep your job here? 110 00:09:02,310 --> 00:09:07,770 Nah, I'm just killing time till a decent job opens up at a luxurious 5 ,000 111 00:09:07,770 --> 00:09:10,210 -room Tagadachivo Hotel and Country Club. 112 00:09:10,470 --> 00:09:11,570 Could we have some more tea? 113 00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:15,360 No, I do not feel like brewing another pot. 114 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,360 Brew the damn tea, Sadaka. 115 00:09:43,479 --> 00:09:48,600 You know, you don't have to be so formal around here. Our last handyman didn't 116 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:49,600 wear a suit and tie. 117 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:54,500 Joanna, it's just Sunatro's way of saying he's honored to be working for 118 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:55,680 Honored? 119 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,440 I laugh. 120 00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:04,760 I must always look presentable when I apply for work at the luxurious 5 ,000 121 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,380 -room Takadachiville Hotel and Country Club. 122 00:10:12,090 --> 00:10:15,670 There must be some work you will allow me to do at your beautiful hotel. Any 123 00:10:15,670 --> 00:10:20,230 chore I will deem an honor. I will clean doggy deposit anything to get out of 124 00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:21,230 this living hell. 125 00:10:22,930 --> 00:10:28,770 Sinatra, it may be five years before doggy deposit custodial position opens 126 00:10:29,110 --> 00:10:30,330 Five years? 127 00:10:30,770 --> 00:10:34,470 Another five years working for him? 128 00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:44,620 You must have patience and inner strength. 129 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:46,420 You are right, Takatachi -san. 130 00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:55,220 Ready for today's round of golf. 131 00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:57,580 I'm always ready for golf. 132 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:02,040 You know, my life really had no meaning until you introduced me to this 133 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:03,820 passionate, stimulating sport. 134 00:11:04,180 --> 00:11:06,660 I knew I lost you the day you broke par. 135 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,160 Honey. 136 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,580 You'll never lose me. 137 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,240 What? 138 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:24,980 Look, I hate my life. I made a mistake when I didn't sell you the Stratford 139 00:11:24,980 --> 00:11:25,839 years ago. 140 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,140 Couldn't you buy it now? 141 00:11:27,380 --> 00:11:31,100 I will not hear it. It is more important that you maintain your pride. 142 00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:32,960 You are to be respected. 143 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:34,840 But I... 144 00:11:38,730 --> 00:11:43,490 I don't want to be respected anymore. I want out. I'll even throw in Sadaka and 145 00:11:43,490 --> 00:11:44,630 Sunatra. 146 00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:47,970 And our gardener, Frank Jr. 147 00:11:54,530 --> 00:12:01,270 Or... I'm going to have Sinatra put up a 148 00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:02,270 rubber siding. 149 00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,750 Aren't you going to introduce us to your lovely new wife? 150 00:12:20,590 --> 00:12:25,110 Well, I would if I had one, but this is my old wife. She's Japanese now. 151 00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:27,910 Joey! I miss you. 152 00:12:30,810 --> 00:12:32,370 Golly geisha, Tokyo Joe. 153 00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:35,850 You sure are a far east feast for these occidental whores. 154 00:12:36,830 --> 00:12:39,490 How do you get your hair so stiff and black? 155 00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:41,550 It's a wig. 156 00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:43,470 It looks so real. 157 00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:49,780 Well, you sure have grown. 158 00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:51,380 I'm Dick. 159 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,160 I used to hold you when you were a little baby. 160 00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:55,660 Ew! 161 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:56,880 Sweaty hands! 162 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,420 Isn't she precious? 163 00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:05,160 So what are you three doing back here? I thought you were living in Zurich. The 164 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,800 whole town decided to meet here five years ago on this day to see if you and 165 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:09,880 Joanna would still be alive. 166 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:12,960 Are we? 167 00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:16,440 Hard to tell. Looks can be so darn deceiving. 168 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:22,920 Hi, 169 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,080 everybody. 170 00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:31,180 George. Michael. 171 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:33,960 No. 172 00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:35,220 Hi, 173 00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,080 Dick. It's me, George Utley. 174 00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:44,920 Nice to meet you. It's sure nice to see some things never change. 175 00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:49,180 So what have you been doing with yourself? 176 00:13:49,540 --> 00:13:54,020 Ate a lot, gained 20 pounds. Did slim fast, lost 20 pounds. 177 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,460 Ate again, gained it all back. 178 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:58,680 Went to Arizona. 179 00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:02,160 Smoked a peace pipe with some neat Navajos. 180 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,800 After that, I didn't worry about my weight anymore. 181 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,040 It's a wig, okay? 182 00:14:22,460 --> 00:14:23,960 And it looks so real. 183 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:32,440 So what's new with you four? Well, after my lovely wife ran off to Puerto Rico 184 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:39,060 with Officer Shifflett, I moved to the Marina del Rey, California, where Jim, 185 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:42,800 Mr. Rusnak, and Miss Goddard have a very spacious houseboat. 186 00:14:43,020 --> 00:14:45,600 Just a few slips down from Robert Goulet. 187 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,860 This is my brother Daryl, and this is my other brother Daryl. 188 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,940 Allow me to introduce our bitter haves. 189 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,320 Let me guess. 190 00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:17,700 Mary, Carol, and Carol. 191 00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:33,200 Neat. Well, my brothers and I were... Let me tell them, hon. 192 00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:37,140 You see, us three girls were in Atlantic City playing keno when we see these 193 00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:39,860 three dreamboats losing their shorts at the craps table. 194 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:45,320 So I say, Seda, Zora, those three guys are going to be our future hubbies. 195 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:45,919 to God. 196 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:50,540 So, we start to mosey over to the dreamboats when these lugs bump into us 197 00:15:50,540 --> 00:15:51,540 knock us on our keisters. 198 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,060 We went drifting in gin. 199 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:56,740 Oh, it was sketch. You're both wrong. As I live and breathe, it was amaretto. It 200 00:15:56,740 --> 00:15:57,740 was gin. I know what I... 201 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,420 can speak. Why didn't they say anything up till now? 202 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,920 I guess they've never been this peyote before. 203 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,580 Here, go buy yourself something pretty. 204 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:34,020 I 205 00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:42,600 never 206 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:47,440 thought I'd hear myself saying this, but I really... 207 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:48,840 I really missed you guys. 208 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:54,080 We missed you, Dick, and our little town. Yeah, like fools, we thought money 209 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,220 could buy us happiness. 210 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,880 True, true. 211 00:16:57,420 --> 00:16:58,420 And it has. 212 00:16:58,620 --> 00:16:59,660 True, true. 213 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,680 We could never move back. Our homes were leveled to create the luxurious 5 ,000 214 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,440 -room Taka -Dachaville Hotel and Country Club. They're booked years in advance. 215 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:14,079 Oh, if only there was some place else in this town to stay. 216 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,640 I know there's a crowd forcing it. Why not? Steve the Stratford. 217 00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:20,720 No one ever stays here. 218 00:17:21,859 --> 00:17:22,859 True, true. 219 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:28,200 Well, you know, I guess you could check in for, you know, for a night or two. A 220 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,200 night or two? 221 00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:30,380 We'll stay forever. 222 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:38,340 Wait, no, wait, wait. We don't have enough rooms for all of you and your 223 00:17:38,340 --> 00:17:41,120 and your children. It's merely a matter of living arrangements. We can work it 224 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:43,800 out. We can work it out. Only time will tell if I'm right or I'm wrong. 225 00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:51,330 As Mayor Emeritus, I hereby declare an emergency town meeting to be held at 226 00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:56,090 in the sofa area of the Stratford to discuss who will be bunking with who. 227 00:17:59,950 --> 00:18:04,870 If it's okay, if it's okay, Chester, I'd like to bunk with my wife and daughter. 228 00:18:05,070 --> 00:18:06,790 I mean my buddy Berger and Smallfoot. 229 00:18:07,570 --> 00:18:12,390 My brothers and I would like a room for ourselves and a separate room for our 230 00:18:12,390 --> 00:18:13,390 wives. 231 00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:16,020 preferably in a different town. 232 00:18:16,940 --> 00:18:20,180 I refuse to buzz with Mr. Rustic. He snorts like a pig. 233 00:18:20,540 --> 00:18:23,040 My septum happens to be badly deviated. 234 00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:27,380 I don't mind. You want to be by me? No one is listening to me. 235 00:19:25,389 --> 00:19:26,389 Honey. 236 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,130 Honey. 237 00:19:34,230 --> 00:19:37,690 Honey, wake up. You won't believe the dream I just had. 238 00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:42,330 But don't you want to hear about it? 239 00:20:03,850 --> 00:20:04,850 All right, Bob. 240 00:20:06,050 --> 00:20:07,050 What is it? 241 00:20:08,490 --> 00:20:12,770 I was an innkeeper in this crazy little town in Vermont. 242 00:20:14,690 --> 00:20:15,990 I'm happy for you. 243 00:20:17,290 --> 00:20:18,290 Good night. 244 00:20:19,370 --> 00:20:21,510 Nothing made sense in this place. 245 00:20:21,810 --> 00:20:27,590 I mean, the maid was an heiress. Her husband talked in alliteration. The 246 00:20:27,590 --> 00:20:30,630 handyman kept missing the point of things. 247 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,190 And then there were these... 248 00:20:33,740 --> 00:20:39,160 Three woodsmen, but only one of them talked. 249 00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:43,900 That settles it. No more Japanese food before you go to bed. 250 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,820 And I was married to this beautiful blonde. 251 00:21:02,990 --> 00:21:04,090 Go back to sleep. 252 00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:05,630 Good night, Emily. 253 00:21:11,190 --> 00:21:16,230 What do you mean, beautiful blonde? 254 00:21:19,610 --> 00:21:20,610 Go to sleep, Emily. 255 00:21:21,370 --> 00:21:25,790 You know, you, uh... You really should wear more sweaters.